Like many at the current time, I am writing my next book. With loads of spare time and wonderful access to the thought leadership world, I have turned my attention to capturing some ideas for parenting in times of crisis. While the pandemic context may well now be a tad overripe, I’m going to use it as the basis for leading and managing a family in chaos for any reason. Over the coming weeks I am going to post a series of extracts from the book.

So we start this series with the brain. Knowing me, you say, where else.

Knowing at least a little about the brain can be tremendously helpful. Perhaps surprisingly, not everything that is does, either ‘with us’, ‘for us’ or ‘against us’, is helpful. Most of what the brain is doing is inaccessible to our conscious minds, and the more we know the more we can manage.

Two key brain-based models can help explain a great deal of our best and worst selves, and the key drivers that push us towards our best or our worst.

Red & Blue Zones

The first is a model I created back in 2006 to help explain engagement and disengagement. In my 2009 book, The Success Zone, I describe the two mind states as driven by certain regions of the brain. John Corrigan, one of the co-authors of this book has further developed this ideal in his recent book, Red Brain Blue Brain..  Both of these books are definitely worth a read if you want to explore this model and its implications further.

Your Red Brain

In summary, the ‘Red Zone’ or ‘Brain’ is a mind state that emerges from the more primitive regions of the brain. These areas respond quickly and efficiently, below consciousness and language. Given that survival is a primary goal here, key behaviours and mind sets emerge when the balance or majority of activity is centred in these areas. These include

• A focus on me

• Low awareness of my state and its impact on others

• Narrow range of choices available

The iconic metaphor for this mind state is the 2-year-old tantrum. The child who rolls on the floor screaming for that toy only experiences their desire for the toy - “I want…” - they are unaware of the impact of their screaming and they have no other options in their mind, only the unwavering focus on having that toy.

Many adults carry this mind set into adult life, though by the time we move out of childhood, we have crafted these behaviours to be more subtle.

The thing is, Red Zones are fast to emerge, easy to ‘fall’ into and very contagious. When ever we experience a threat, even something small, our survival architecture kicks in and starts humming away. The chances are that your most significant triggers are your most significant others - your kids and your spouse/partner.

As soon as you are ‘triggered’ and start responding from your ‘Red Brain’ you create a similar mindset in the brain of the other person. As they similarly respond, you end up in an escalating engagement where you are pouring fuel on each other’s flames.

Be aware that kids are born with active red brains (this makes sense, their thing is survival), and the countering Blue Brain does not begin to offset the Red Brain until 8-10 years of age. For some people, maybe never…

The Red Zone, when you are in your Red Brain, typifies the worst version of humanity. Think of any of the Seven Deadly Sins and you have a red brain behaviour. Just think toilet rolls during the current pandemic…

There is some good news. Our Blue Brains are what makes us be at our best, and there is plenty of the best of humanity on show at the moment too.

In the next post, I’ll explore this better version.