From Calamity to Sanity Post Series: Autonomy in the SCARF Model

Too little autonomy triggers a threat, too much reduces certainty…

We are half way through exploring the SCARF model and its impact, especially, on family relationships. today we look at Autonomy.

“Autonomy is the perception of exerting control over one’s environment; a sensation of having choices.”

David Rock, SCARF: a brain-based model for collaborating with and influencing others (2008)

In eduction we often refer to the term agency, a strongly related word to autonomy. Agency is defined as the ability (perceived or real) to take action or the availability of choice. Influence on an outcome is another way we experience autonomy. In terms of triggers for children, this seems to be less impactful until the teenage years, when it suddenly rears its head quite strongly. Yet, autonomy can play a big part in social learning around behaviour in children.

As a parent, I still use the process of (a) naming an expectation (e.g. behaving well at the dinner table), (b) asking the child to withdraw to be alone somewhere and (c) giving the them the choice to return when they think they are ready to rejoin with appropriate behaviour. This strategy plays to a few SCARF elements (related ness pain via withdrawal, certainty reward via expectation), but hinges on the child exercising their own agency. This sometimes takes a few goes - you may need to say “You are not quite ready yet, off you go and have another try. Come back when you are ready.” Kids need to build the link between choices they make and outcomes that result, positive or negative.

We all feel better when we have available alternatives to us, though interestingly (and, as mentioned in the last post), autonomy contradicts certainty. All of us can be overwhelmed by choice - when so many alternatives are present that we have no certainty. Similarly, rules give no autonomy and lots of certainty. Principles give us some flexibility by trading off a little certainty to give more autonomy. This all means that, in general, rules work well with younger children, and principles or guidelines work better with younger adults.

Just as we are now living in a world starved of certainty, the massive loss of personal freedom has also given us autonomy scarcity. Finding ways to provide perceived or real choice within your home will help offset the autonomy pain that COVID19 is giving us.

In your home right now, are there ways that you now realise that you are providing more choice? Or are you inadvertently adding to a lack of autonomy?