Consider these two questions:

How comfortable are you in committing to learning and growth?

How comfortable are you in receiving feedback?

You’ll probably find that your answers are diametrically opposed. You’ll probably be similarly placed when the context shifts from yourself to others. We are nearly always wanting to make a difference to the growth of others, yet we have an aversion to giving them feedback. Feedback is the very foundation of learning and growth - without it we stifle and real development.

So what do you need to be good and comfortable at giving (or receiving) feedback?

In our commercial world commodities that are high in demand and low in supply command great value. Internally, we have a resource that is the basis for engagement, learning, respect, felt empathy and even love. This resource is also under huge demand, internally and externally - we are bombarded minute by waking minute with opportunities to spend this resource, often without our conscious awareness. Yet the high-demand and low-supply ‘rule’ does not apply to this resource, for it remains massively undervalued.

Feedback is a conundrum and a contradiction. It is absolutely necessary for growth, yet it triggers the threat-based pathways in the brain that prevent acquisition and deep learning. Particularly feedback done poorly.

One question alone can help shift a feedback conversation from being awkward to gifting a real opportunity for learning…

Natively we see conflict and confrontation as something akin to a visit to the dentist: if we face up to it, it will probably be full of pain, much better to avoid it. In amongst the 'ore' of pain and effort lies some significant paydirt: conflict is the bedrock of innovation and improvement. We rarely learn when we are comfortable, and relationships won't grow without learning. If we can permission and harness conflict, great things can happen.